mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
