I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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