The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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