Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
