id be glad to
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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