please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
