it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
