before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
