I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
