I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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