Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
