You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
