im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
