yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
