I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
