wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
