He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I cut my penus on the lid.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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