I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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