You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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