Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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