woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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