I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
