dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
