I'm gonna have a badass scar
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
