I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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