Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
