hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
