That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
