there's paper in my vomit.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize