I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
