honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
