do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
