just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
