Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize