awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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