Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
wow bdsm is so cute
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
