yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
