want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
