just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
