I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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