he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
