shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
