why didn't you poke me back
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
