mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
