Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
