Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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