she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
