p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
