i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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