Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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