suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
