I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
