You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
