Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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