Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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