Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
