well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
