just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
