tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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