All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
