peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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