Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
