life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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