Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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