I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
