I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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