I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
