She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
