she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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