the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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