Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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