Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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