I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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