Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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