ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize