I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize