he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
