I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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